things that were good:

oh man, I love this narrator so much more than Simon. seriously, he’s likeable and not a sadistic asshole and he’s just…he’s relateable. which is always great and helps people get into the story, if they can find some kind of reflection of things they’re familiar with in a world that they aren’t familiar with. gives us normal stomping ground to work with, I guess.

I like Ellen. because of her name she makes me think of Ellen Page, which um, I automatically like her now! anyway, with the coin flip and just the way you have her talking, she seems like an awesome character, very authentic feeling.

I love the description of the alley, especially the light staining the pavement, that was so gorgeous and vivid.

the description of the whole last paragraph was equally gorgeous and awesome!

things that were marginally less good:

I think Ellen cried way too quickly. I mean, you comment on the overly huge amount of tears yourself, and that just makes it more obvious that the emotional reaction was super strong. and the transition from normal conversation between friends to ~melodrama~ was a bit fast. plus, I have no clue what she’s crying about, so I’m just left sort of bewildered and fed up with her for being overly emotional.

the description of the coin ‘gleaming like blood under a streetlamp,’ it just didn’t work, sorry :/ it’s not clear at all and unnecessarily gory, even in this setting. also, the ‘eagle screams up at me’, ’screams’ is just way too intense and human of a verb.

ok, see you soon then, I liked this chapter a lot more than the last and I feel like this is overall really going somewhere. great job :]