from the first few lines I like this character. I’m not a feminist by any means, but you get two kinds of chick characters, normally. they’re either a damsel in distress [and they're really hot] or they’re SUPER TUFF [and they're even hotter.] Ellen seems multilayered, gritty without being a ~femme fatale~, and just…it’s refreshing. so thank you for that.

“baking asphalt.” — I love this description SO much.

“Away from the man I love.
Nine years later and I still can’t understand Drake’s damned problem with me. I’ve always felt strongly about him, and I can tell that he feels the same. So why is there so much shit that needs to be stripped away before he lets me get close?” — ok. this passage. the 2nd and 4th sentences are awesome and fit really well with her character. the first is never something I can imagine a girl like Ellen saying. she’s realistic, and she’s honest about things, but I can’t imagine her thinking of Drake as ‘the man she loves.’ they have such a comfortable, friendly relationship, and that phrase makes him seem almost idealized and distant in her head, which you showed before, he’s definitely not. plus it’s a bit cliche. when you’re writing romances, it’s unfortunately just overdone, so there are certain phrases you have to avoid and imho, that’s one of them. in the 3rd sentence, ‘felt strongly’ is awkward. maybe replace it with ‘cared about’, which once again is way more personal and not distant.

“I wish them luck.” I like the contrast between Ellen and the other characters here. I’ll be honest and say [although I'm not like this] I think women really do tend to be more emotional, and not in a bad way- they have more empathy and probably tend to be more sympathetic to people than men. so it makes sense. and it’s a bit of a nice, softening touch to a woman who’s otherwise fairly badass.

“and the lid sparks” — great image. the whole description of the building and Reeps approaching her is very vivid as well, I love it.

“This guy had a can of hairspray and a lighter that fell to the floor.” — oh man, I hate to point this out, but. do you know what deux ex machina is? look it up if you don’t. it’s a latin term meaning, literally, ‘the god machine’– in fiction, it means some absurdly lucky thing happens and the day is improbably saved. if the man’s really going to have fire implements, have them be more common than those two, or at least explain WHY he had them. and the fact that it’s an accident makes it even more weird.

“I remember how good he looked,” — omg, bby. the girl just got almost eaten/burned alive/killed and she’s noticing how good he looks? I think she’d be a lot more out of it than that, or at least she’d have different priorities in that moment.

I love love love the part about the sour milk. but you should probably cut the ‘without checking how sour it is,’ because that gives away the surprise. once it comes, it’s a perfect and subtle way to show how this girl operates- she’s not your normal domestic woman with a stocked fridge and an organized life.

oh man, her bit about how she feels, having her superpowers? really good. it reminds me of batman, but female, and less fierce. haha. but srsly, it’s such a good bit of characterization.

“this man,”- ok, once again, too distant. I’d never think of anybody I was really close friends with in general terms like that.

“My wall have…” should be ‘walls’, I think?

ok, now this could be over-picky, but I feel like the ’sudden kiss’ scene was a bit off emotion-wise. if I went on impulse and kissed a dude, then felt like he wasn’t into it and was shocked, I’d be more embarrassed than hurt. I’d run the hell out of there and later, in my room, all alone, thinking about it, THEN I’d feel hurt. but I’d just be mortified and a tad regretful at first.

this is a great chapter. I love Ellen’s character and I feel like the story is improving a lot. great job luko!